I Feel The Need

The need for speed!  Maverick and Goose.  Or was it Goose and Maverick? 

Anyhow, I feel the need to lift some weights!!!

Ready to roll.  Haven't done much lately, while making a big move.  My workouts have consisted of going up and down, up and down, up and donw stairs, stairs and more stairs, carrying boxes, more boxes, kids, more boxes, toys, boxes, laundry, kids again and lastly, furniture! The move is not done yet, nor are we settled. Water intake has been good. Food and diet have been honestly, meh... Attitude has been meh, as well.

I will be weighing in, within the next couple of weeks.  I have had a "Post Ranch" follow up with my friends at ABC.  I have broken out some of my boxes labeled "Clothes Don't Fit", from a seperate move, years ago.  I squeezed into a 3X t-shirt!  It was tight, and short, but still, was able to wear it around for a day.  Plus, some of my nicer work clothes as well, that have been packed away. 

It's a marathon. Not a sprint.  The littel victories feel good though. We've been cooped up with boxes all around us, hardly any room to walk around our bed.  I miss doing the Cowboy DVDs and abs work outs with Katie!  I miss complaining about getting my butt on the floor.  I miss sweating together.  I miss laughing at the goofball in the cowboy hat on the TV screen.

Feeling defeated these last couple of weeks due to stress, work, and blah blah blah.  Hey, I'm human. But you know what else I am?  I'M THE ONE!

Why not make the challenge bigger right before and during holidays?  Everyone whines about "It's hard to work out when you have kids." "It's ok to eat a little more b/c holidays only come once a year."  "It's hard to stay on track b/c of time." All of them sound familiar?

I've said them.  I'm guilty.  The goal?  I want to be 400 or less by the turn of the year! 

I'll post my weigh in, when I get the numbers. But judging by the extra notch on my belt (the good way) and my tight fitting 3X t-shirts, that I'd be willing to bet that I'm very close to the 100 lbs mark from when I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.

I feel a good solid 3-4 meals a day, 5 oz of protein with fruits and veggies coming on!

Who's with me?

The Countdown

This Friday August 2nd is the day that my wife and I will drive to Pocatello, Idaho and meet my oldest-younger brother Jeff.  From there, he and I will drive up through Idaho on Highway 93 North and head over the pass, aside the Lost Trail Ski Area.  Sula is just north of the pass, once you get over the Montana/Idaho State Line/Border.  Sula is a beautiful place!  Population: 37 (http://censusviewer.com/city/MT/Sula).

The population will be increasing by just a few this coming weekend! I am not sure how many folks will be there, but I know that when Ryan Cowboy Ehmann put it out there that he was going to do the Cowboy Fitness Ranch, he was looking for 10 contestants.  He and his wife have been posting pictures and such on their Facebook pages of the area and the ranch. The anticipation is killing me.

A cook thing is that I think that on the Friday that we check out from the ranch, hopefully both of my younger brothers will be there. In an ideal world, I'd have my wife, children and my brothers there to meet The Rodeo Cowboy.  I've asked Ryan about meeting my brothers.  I think I'm more excited about it than he is. But, it will be cool that I get to hang out with my brothers Friday night in Missoula.  Maybe Kevin, Jeff and I will get a chance to shoot some hoops or pool, like old times.  That is, if I have enough strength to stand.

The gal at the ABC 4 news here in Salt Lake City has asked that I do a video diary every night.  Which I will probably do on my phone.  Not many places to charge the phone up there.  But I'd like to get some footage of our activities too.  Of course we'll be able to take some pictures. 

This week I'll be focusing on getting my list together and packing everything up. We have a friend that is letting me borrow their sleeping bag.  I still have a tent, but the other stuff was all stuff that I had when I lived in Montana. But since I've lived in Salt Lake City for almost the last 5 years now... we haven't done much camping/fishing or anything up in the mountains! Drives me crazy some times.

It is a tough thing to have to ask my wife to be SuperMom while I'm away for a week. Taking care of the kids, getting them to daycare, working her hours, picking them up, going home, trying to find time to get them outside and play, cooking meals, bathing them and then getting them to bed.  That is a long week!  I have to make this work!  I have to kill it while I'm there. 

I have to find a way to make this stick with me! The coaching side by side is what I'm looking forward to the most.  I'm sure it'll be like drinking water through a fire-hose. Just to put it out there, I have not been doing a lot.  Not counting calories.  Not really on a routine for eating.  I wanted to go up to the ranch with the idea that I'm going to get my butt kicked.  I know that I'll be sore.  I know that it will probably be the toughest physical thing I've ever gone through.  I want this to teach me a lesson. 

Afraid of Failure

Hello,  remember me?  What a crazy last couple of months it's been.

One thing that ya'll have seen me blg about before is the fear of failing.  I'm not here to give you excuses.  I'm not here to ask you to follow me.  I'm not here to hear you judge me.  But, if you'd like to follow along there are some big things happening for us.

Katie is interviewing for a different postion at our company.  She has been here going on 13 years now and has held the same position for the last 8 years.  This is big for us.  There is a lot of change in our company.  Katie is very valuable and in my opinion, under appreciated.  If offered the new role, it is a big decision.  So, stress has been present.

Another birthday of my mom's passed yesterday.  It is still hard to swallow sometimes, that I am older than she was when she passed.  Katie and I have talked more and more about her over the last couple of years. 

Oh yeah, The Rodeo Cowboy, aka Ryan "Cowboy" Ehmann, aka Coach Cowboy, aka The Fat Loss Cowboy and his investor from ABC's The Shark Tank, Damond John (creator of FUBU) have selected me to be one of the 10 clients to go up to Sula, Montana for a Cowboy Fitness Ranch.  It is hosted by Ryan "Cowboy" Ehmann.

You may or may not be thinking in your head: "How did this come about?"  Well, read on...

On Facebook one day, I received a personal message from Coach (and I quote):

"Nick,
Hows your fitness journey going?
What results have you got and what stuggles are you dealing with buddy?"

It was unexpected for sure and I could have lied.  If you've been reading my blog at all, you know that I've had ups and downs.  But instead of lying, I was blunt.  I replied to him (quoting myself here...), "Struggling. Just gotta get right in my mind right and get a string of consecutive days/weeks together. I know I can do it. But the first doubt creeps in and I get a defeated feeling.

You've been extremely busy. How are you doing sir?"

Coach continues: "I have a very special gift for you ... I got to know you want to continue and you will do what ever it takes to change your life."

Me, "Life is a gift and I've taken it for granted. I my ears are open..."

I can tell you that it took some convincing from my siblings and my wife. I don't know why, but it just punched me right in the gut!  I felt sick.

From there, I'll leave you with this.  Go You Tube "Sula Fun", then keep that image in your head and go to Coach's website: www.fatlosscowboy.com.  When you've looked at both website and You Tube video, you should ge a mixed image in your head of the the workouts and boot camp fitness tossed in with a Dude Ranch experience.  Pretty spectacular eh? 

Plus, I am trying to help The Rodeo Cowboy get a Boot Camp going here in Salt Lake City, UT (a 2-day Boot Camp).  We are in communication with a guy for use of a gym.  But this will give 15-20 people an opportunity to train personally with Ryan "Cowboy" Ehmann and get some eye opening life changing heart rate training with the master himself!  His energy will infect you!

The Boot Camp will take place Sept 27th and 28th, each day having an early hour and then late evening!
Here is the website if you're interested:

http://www.fatlosscowboy.com/Group_training_with_Ryan.html

As well, I've reached out to local ABC 4 News Team and they're going to follow my journey for the next year, tracking numbers, reporting success and plateaus and milestones.  Here is the initial interview:

http://www.abc4.com/content/news/state/story/A-Midvale-mans-weight-loss-journey/-fNdRH9BrEC4lv3PE0lYkw.cspx

So like I said, a crazy couple of months!  Here is some other fun stuff for ya'll to look at.  One is a website from Coach to get us clients excited about our check in to the Cowboy Fitness Ranch in just about 10 days. Plus I'll get to meet another guy who has been really supportive, as well on his own journey!

Here is some footage of the scenery and what we can expect from the filming and 2-workouts-a-day Cowbody Fitness Camp:
http://www.fatlosscowboy.com/Fitness_Ranch_.html

Are you excited?  I am!!!

1 Year

My goals are staring right at me.  I read over them and I think to myself about where I am.  Where I was.  Where I want to be.  Who I want to be there with.

Where was I?  Well, one year ago, I was running on no sleep for 36 hours.  My wife and I both were on no sleep. We had just had our nephews over for a sleepover.  A good buddy of mine was running a theater and let us into a matinee showing of the Battleship movie.  It was pretty good. The weird thing was, just like you see in the movies, Katie had gone into labor, during the movie!  Yeah, it was pretty surreal.  We didn't have our "hospital bag", we had both nephews, as well, Tate.  It was hot out.  We had a van, at the time, that didn't have A/C.  

I swear, pregnant women... they pick the best times to go into labor.  Unless it's the kids doing it???  But with Tate, she went into labor while I was putting together a rocker/glider for my mother-in-law.  Right in the middle of it.  I really wanted to finish it too, but the BOOM!  Here comes Tate.  

The thing is, with both kids, Cece and Tate, they came when I was already busy!  So, we stop what I'm doing, go to the hospital, just to find out we're not quite "ready" yet, for the baby to show!  Both of them waited until it was most of the early morning hours, before they put on a show.  I believe they knew when I was ready to give in and just take a quick nap.  :)  

But seriously, there is no way I'm not as happy as Dracula at a blood-bank, with this family that I've been blessed with.  So to answer your question, with all jokes aside:

Where was I a year ago?  I was going on just about a year of a mini depression of some sort.  Hindsight tells me that. At the time, it was just ups and downs, that come with life.  I had discussed with Katie that I had been feeling weird that I was turning 35 (last year) and that did a number on my mind.  It was hard because our mother only lived to be 34. Our dad's tragic accident took him when he was 44.  So for me to be older than my mom lived, was just weird to me.  Naturally, the years add up.  It's basic math.  So most of my 34th year, even having Tate, it was easy to get lost in all of that, plus getting lost in taking care of our only kid at the time.  Easy enough to just forget about myself.  I'd figure that most of that year, I'd lived at the same weight I'd ballooned up to.  After we found out the hard way, about the issues with my back, I was laid up multiple times for multiple days/weeks.  But I'd gotten up to 535 lbs.  I was educated of that weight May of 2012.  So, as it is the 3rd day of June 2013, my last weigh in, about 14 days ago (give or take) I'd weighed in at 446-447 lbs.  So, just about to the 100 lbs mark. 

That hit pretty hard, when I learned of the weight I was at.  It took a toll on me.  I immediately thought about all the time I used to shoot hoops, or go hiking and all that kind of stuff.  I then realized that I didn't do that stuff any longer.  I knew it was something that I missed, but then immediately thought that if I'd tried to go out and do that stuff as hard as I'd done before, I'd likely get hurt worse.

Since we've done better.  I now feel like it's a challenge to see when that 100 lb mark will come!  Exiting as it is, I must remember to keep my mind straight.  I don't want it to cloud my focus on the end result of fitness success, or of my goals.  But, it is a heck of a start to have an achievement so big, that will help me with motivation for the rest of this journey, as well, to be in good enough shape to cut some serious rug at this wedding. We have to show them all how Montucky does it!

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to our little girl who is 1 year old today!  You are just as beautiful as your mama!  Daddy loves you Cece!

Where's The Handshake?

Hi all.

Where I come from, a handshake is important.  It tells the other person who you are and how you are. We are tought a good firm handshake is important in letting yourself be known.  Also, a handshake can be the "fine print" in a verbal contract or committment.  A handshake is significant, because it involves your hands.  Your hands is how a lot of people make a living, where I'm from. Whether it's construction, logging, building fences, chores, ranching or turning wrenches as a mechanic, your hands earn your bread and butter.  Yeah, but they also form an agreement.

If you go back on your word, then your name can be run in the mud.  If you break your handshake's significance for any reason, your character will show.  It's not about the actual broken promise or not keeping your word, as much as it is as, yeah, we had an agreement and it's not been followed perfectly.  But what are you going to do from here.  Just quit? No.  You get back up and you get the job done. You don't sit and dwell.

I remember when one of my brothers was helping our uncle one summer.  It wasn't a "job" as much as it was for keeping my brother busy, but also a way to help our uncle with some extra money by selling firewood. My uncle would come home and the 2 of them would drive off in a fully loaded truck of firewood, either split or not split.  My uncle would receive calls from random people who had requests.  Then, my brother had a number of loads he was to prepare. This lasted the whole summer. I can think of only 2 days of the entire summer where my brother did not have a load prepared already, by the time our uncle got done.  But he didn't sit there and wait for my uncle to get home and then wait for my uncle to do the load himself. Instead, whether he'd woke late or whatever, the distraction was, he went out and did what he said he was going to do, although it was not perfect.  The end result was still acheived through hard work.

Losing inches and gaining knowledge is getting to be a lot tougher than I ever expected.  This does not discourage me as much as it makes me realize something.  This time around, I'm more serious.  The fact that it bothers me when I don't work out, or when I make a bad choice with food... It makes more sense now.  Before, it would not bother me.  Now, I'm getting to the point where I can see all of these things that have enabled me to get to the point or weight and being so ridiculously unfit. 

I've decided that I want to go back and see if there are any things or pieces that I've missed in the reading for the conditioning the mind. I want to get prepared b/c I really want to give it a go.  I feel like I've just been playing around with this stuff for going on 3 months now.  I want to see it work, more.  We saw 22+ inches leave.  Now I want more.  I want more knowledge.

I want to fly over to Loveland Colorado and go into the Lose 12 Inches gym and smack Coach right in the mouth to where his jaw drops and he sees what I've done.  Then I want him to bust my ass, to which I'll get up from the floor, hurting, sore, sweating and say, "have you had enough, Coach?"  Bring it on.

Just an update: our kitchen is being torn out and remodeled.  Found out there was a busted/cracked drainage pipe between our floor and the ceiling of the downstairs basement, in the duplex we rent. FUN! So the cabinets/cupboards, fridge, all have been cleaned out.  We get to use the kitchen downstairs and live upstairs.  Thinking about calling our renter's insurance place to see what the details are on how an extended stay place might work out in this situation.  But I tell you, it only ads to the challenge! We'll wake up Christmas morning and look back and say, "Look where we were and what we went through.  Look where we are."

Where is my handshake to myself?  Make it right.
A special shout out to Summer! She was extremely helpful over a chat session online the other day.  Helped me find the good in where I am at. This whole time, I've been wanting to bury my head because it has not been perfect.  Just so everyone knows, behind every great man, there is a great woman (typically). 

Coach has Summer. Chris Powell has Heidi.  (I wonder if their reading this????) My buddy is marrying a great gal this summer.  A couple of my other buddies have stressful jobs as well, and they are also married to wonderful women who are supportive.

Thank you for being my great woman Katie!  Thank you for your handshake.  I know you love me more than Disney! ;)

The History of Clothes Shopping

It turns out that my buddy is serious about marrying his fiance. :) This means, honored as I am to be part of their big day, that your's truly is going to get all gussied up.  Couldn't ask for a couple of nicer people to get hitched to one another.  Getting a tux that fits is a problem.  It always has been. Well, I take that back.  My wife and I's wedding, my tux fit nicely. I was quite dapper.  Nervous as all get out, but still, it was nice to not have to worry about it.

One wedding in particular, for my cousin... We took all of the appropriate measures of measuring early, like the tux store said to. Gave them time, like the tux store said to.  Get measured a 2nd time for good measure, like the tux store said to.  Mind you, this is back in the day (a Wednesday, if you're taking notes), back in the day when I was in decent shape.  I played a lot of hoops back then.  I was hiking, walking, etc... just active. A lot of activity.  Not eating 3 meals, skipping meals at that, but still, smaller than I am now, by a long shot.

Getting fitted for a tux is fun, but not when you feel like the attention is now on you, instead of the people it should be on.  We eneded up stitching one side of the vest to the side of the shirt so that they were worn as one.  To allow room in the middle.  The pants fit though, it was the shirt that was not handled well with the fitting and measuring. At my cousin's wedding, I wore my vest and my tux coat all night!  Had no choice.  I rocked it, no doubt.  I cut some serious rug, ALL NIGHT!  It was a big celebration!  But I did feel bad my my cousin and his wife.  How stressful and unsatisfying, for pictures and such.

Getting fitted for a tux for this wedding is becoming an issue.  I bet the bride-to-be is pulling her hair out.  It is their wedding!  Most people only plan to have one for their entire life! It's a big deal! When I went into the store, it was comical, when I got measured.  The guy had to have me hold the tape on one side, then he walked around me to bring the other end to meet up. Like he was walking this big ol' horse by rope and bridle.  It was embarassing, but funny.  Even when we bought the tape to take my measurements at home, we got the extra long one.  My wife has a huckuva time doing my measurements.  Here I am at 6'3" and her at 5'2".  You don't see many 5'2" people with extra long arms.  She needs a step stool and everything to get my shoulders and my neck.  She does really good on my calf though.

As far as prom my senior year in HS, as well, the other weddings I've been in, it's always been an issue. Things happen whether we want them to or not.  Some things, require our planning.  Then, some things, do not go as we planned.  The task before me is that I must be at 60' around my belly at its biggest point.  This is for the pants to fit correctly.  You see, my pants normally, I wear on my hips and use a belt because.... um, well... I have no ass.  I mean, I do, but I don't. It's wide because I'm wide.  But there is no curve to it. 

I'd like to change that, but for now, I know I'm not going to get me some Beyonce/J-Lo boo-tay shape.  Being a guy, I'm not sure who's male butt I want mine to resemble, but I do know that I could use a little more umph in my buttucks.  Junk in the trunk.  My pants do not stay up.  It's not funny, really.  I know it is fun to make jokes about it.  But still.  To the day, if I am at work, it's normally slacks with a belt.  At home, it's basketball shorts or cargo shorts.  But just buying bigger sizes to accommadate my body is not fixing the problem.  Eathing unhealthy, skipping meals, a non-active life. Those are the problems.

Got off track, again. Sorry. So back to the fitting of the pants.  I told my buddy he had my word that I'd try.  Very hard, I'll try.  I will.  I've already gotten back on the horse and have been doing my workouts.  Every other day, in fact, instead of setting the goal of 3x per week.  It's still a good goal. It's better than doing nothing.  It is not detouring me from my overall lifestyle change goals though.  It is just part of them now.  But I do realize it is a big task. Challeng accepted. Compared to where I was a year ago, at 535 lbs, to now being 446 lbs... I'd like to continue this journey.  I feel it's important to set little goals, to acheive your big goal.

At some point, we need to not focus on everything that goes wrong every day.  That will overwhelm us.  I like it better to acknowledge what is happening around us, but to use that as fuel for the current fight.  Then turn around one day and say, "We went through all of that and look where we are."  Yeah, life can get tough.  It can get down right cruddy.  But, it will go on without you, if you let it.  Or you can be part of it. 

Coach put on his Facebook the other day, a quote from Tony Robbins, which I do not know exactly how it goes.  Quotes are great, but can lose their power if not said/read correctly. So hear it goes: "If you focus on all the troubles instead of the end result, you'll fail." 

I understand that I totally just said I couldn't quote him, but then put it in quotes... That was more for your viewing pleasure. I hope you an appreciate that I'm trying to enhance your reading pleasure. :) Did anyone else catch that I put hear instead of here?  Again... an enhancement for you.  Instead of what you read, listen to what Tony Robbins is trying to tell you.  Sidney and Billy from "White Men Can't Jump" argued about that very thing.  Are you hearing the music?  Or just listening? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know I'm a dork. My friend that has his own blog also quoted the last LDS Conference, where one of the Presidents said, "Don't die with your music still in you!" That is very cool.  More importantly, it is true. My wife and kids, my siblings, my parents passing, sicknesses, strifes, successes.  All of that is part of my song. :)  Cheesy or not, take what you want out of it.  But I do appreciate you reading my blog, whoever you are.

Enjoy your day!  Working out tonight! I am going to try something different.  My buddy, Chris, who is following along with me on a lifestyle change, has inspired me to try again, to incorporate lifting weights, while in the Cowboy Fit Zone! So, we'll see how it goes.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

As I sit here and listen to George Strait on the computer, I think, this is a good time to blog!!!

Seriously, my wife it the best!  Today we did not go out and binge eat until we felt sick, nor did we go out and impulsively spend money we did not have.  Instead, I let Katie sleep in.  Tate and I were awake at 6:30 a.m. We had some good one on one time, just him and daddy.  Got his medicines done (he has asthma and we use some inhalers and such). Fed him some breakfast, we wrestled, then I put his signature on the Mother's Day card I picked out for Katie.  Cece was still asleep for a little bit.  I took that opportunity to make Katie a "coupon" book for stuff around the house, chores, girls day out, a day off from being Mom, back rub, etc... She woke up shortly after.  We both had a good laugh when she read the coupon book out loud.

You see, I think I'm funny.  So when I have her read stuff to me, it's like I'm hearing the jokes for the first time and I still laugh as if somebody else made it up!!!!  It is a 2 for one switch because either she thinks it's a funny joke, or she can just get a laugh at me for laughing at my own writing. :) But after that, we had a low key day of hanging out, eating small meals.  Ended up at her mom's house.  We were visited there by a couple of her siblings and their families, for them to wish Happy Mother's Day to my mother-in-law. Good company.  We have not seen them for a good amount of time, considering we all live in the Salt Lake City area.  It was fun.

Anyhow, Katie was feeling some pretty strong emotions on this last Friday.  I have shared some stories about my parents with her, naturally. One of them was that my mom told me, close to a Mother's Day, one year during my childhood, that her favorite color was yellow.  So, I am not sure why, but of all the things we remember about each other as siblings, friends, best friends, or whoever, we remember certain things.  This one something that I've always come back to as a memory.  My dad took us kids shopping (our family was not complete at this time), but we didn't know what to get her.  I dislike shopping for other people sometimes, now that I'm an adult,  But I figure that my dad wanted us kids to get a couple of somethings for her.  So, since I remembered that she liked yellow, my gift to her was a sweater that happened to be yellow.

Whether it was genuine excitement or my mom doing a damn good acting job... she had the biggest eyes and a big ol' smile when she opened the gift. She held it up proudly and said, "I know who this is from!"  It has always stuck with me because I can remember clearly that she wore that sweater. More than a few times a year.  Even on some days, I'd ask her childlike, "Do you remember when you got that sweater?"  She would reply with "Of course! I love yellow!!!"  It must have made her feel good to know that she could make me smile so big when she said that.

Well, this is something that Katie takes dearly and she lets me, as well even likes the stories I share about my parents.  So, I'll quote her post on Facebook on Friday:

"I love putting Cece in yellow... she looks so beautiful in it.  Then every time I look at her in yellow, I think of my loving mother in law I've never met.  I hope she knows I think about her.  How I wish I could have met her.  How can you miss someone you never knew...?"

So, today and tonight, I processed through some feelings and thoughts.  I'm a believer that those who have passed, visit me.  I don't know if everyone in my family feels this way, but when my dad, my mom, or my grandma are present in my dreams, it really does feel like a visit.  I ask them how they are.  Sometimes, I even tell them that, "we can just make this quick... I know this is just a dream." :)  But still, there are times I wish I would get "visited" and they don't come.  Other times, they come when I don't expect it in the least.  Well, I can tell you, that based on the dreams I've had, both of my parents have visited me (individually) to tell me how they are so happy that I'm happy.  They have never told me about how they feel about Tate and Cece, but instead, they focus more on Katie. I remember being told in one of my dreams, from my mom, "Katie is adorable and I can tell you are yourself around her.  I love her so much."  That has stuck with me for the last couple of years!  I'm not ruling out that it could be just a dream. Maybe you feel the same way, thinking that nobody can control what they dream or think.  Oh well.

My feelings for Katie and the fact that we have a family. I don't know that I can put it into words. I know that we moved very fast when we got together.  We were married inside 6 months of meeting.  My mom and dad were married withing 7 months of dating.  They lasted for 19 years, all the way up to the death date of my mother.  It was hard on my dad.  I saw it.  I bet it was even harder than what I saw.  There are times where I wish I was a little older back then, to understand how hard it was for him.  To sit down and ask him, "Hey dad, how are you doing?"  I know that when I feel down and no one asks me how I'm doing, that it's almost a lonelier feeling!  Like nobody cares!  Geez, to know then what I know now.  But my feelings tonight, for my children's mother and my best friend: I'd pick her all over again.

A few weeks ago, when I felt like I was giving up... I didn't like it.  I know it's going to be tough.  I know that I'll have challenges: birthdays, anniversaries, plateaus, celebrations, graduations, road trips, weddings, work parties, etc... I know that if I set a goal of working out every other day, that one day, maybe, there might come a time where I don't get a work out in.  But that can't bring on a string of 30 days, 15 days, heck even 6 days of not doing something active!  Results require action.

Overall, I know I want to do better, but still want to keep myself grounded and take any success I can to build my fitness self esteem... but, I'm pretty proud of myself.  I know my parents are.  I know my siblings are.  I know my buddies are.  I know my wife is.  I hope some day, my kids can look back at my pictures now, compare them to where I want to be in 30 years, and tell me they are proud of me too! I'm making progress on the heart rate training. Yesterday's workout was a full 12 minute warm up on the exercise bike followed with a solid 30 minutes of constant Cowboy Fit Zone heart rate on the elliptical machine!  That is crazy to me because when I started a being more active just weeks ago, I could not even do 5 minutes!!!! Tomorrow is a workout day and I'm excited! I have not been excited to work out in a couple of weeks.

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mom.  You are missed dearly.  Happy Mother's Day to my gramma.  I love you.  Most of all, thank you and Happy Mother's Day to my best friend, my bride, Katie.  My wish is that we will be blessed with many more Mother's Days together.

Blogger's Block

Hello friends and followers.

I'm searching for different ideas for my blog.  It's kind of plain.  Matter of fact, in this last week or so, that is main reason I have not blogged.

I'd like to share some feelings for a couple of minutes.  I am battling with the idea that blogging is taking time away from my family.  Whether it be my kids individually, or together, my siblings, my neices and my nephew, my cousins.  Mainly, I have felt in the past that it's taken time away from my wife.  Having kids and a wife is something that I pictured for a while, of ever having them in my life. Remaining single. That is something that I came to the realization, I may not ever get them. I had to be ok with the thought of never having them.  I had to find things about myself that I liked.  Now I have them and I love it.  The funny thing is, no one tells you how tough it can be. :)  But I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Plus, still being fairly new to the parenting, our boy Tate is 2 1/2 years old. Heck, not just parenting, just being married!  This December will be 4 years!  That is crazy to me. But it's something that I cherish.  I don't want my selfishness and bad choices to take away from what my family deserves. 

I've been told in the past, that it's ok to do things for Nick once in a while.  I know this.  When it's someone else that is needing advice, I have been known to lend an ear, or some unwanted truth.  It's real. So, as far as taking time to get a degree in communications or in finance, or blogging as a hobby/therapy, haha, well, it's tough for me.  If I feel like it's consuming me, my natural for me to "protect" my family from me not being right there, the moment they need me, or in any case, just want me.  As I am still adapting to better choices for my health, I know and understand these are choices, consistent or not, that benefit my health, which is what I want.  It's one thing if I'm tragically taken from my wife, kids, siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, friends, etc... I'm very ok with death.  We learned it at a very young age.  But I am disgusted wtih the fact that by my being overweight, unfit and making bad unhealthy food choices, I am enabling a possible cause of death.  Who is to say that I won't outlive my kids, or my wife.  Things happen even if we don't choose them. We/I have to capitalize on the time that we do have here. Not worry about death.  It happens to everyone. Everyone experiences a loss.  Regardless of who it is, a loss is a loss.  Friend, relative, immediate family or even a co-worker.  There are tragedies, accidents and illness.  Sadly, there are suicides. Death happens.  But you know what? SO DOES LIFE!!! What am/are I/we going to do with it?

Sorry, I got off track some, but I was saying, blogging, has opened my mind back up to old thoughts, back in the day (a Wednesday), for my writing and thoughts of being an inspirational speaker.  Funny becuase I've put all that stuff behind me for quite some time.  Just until recently, opening up into the blog world, it has rekindled the smolder.  Not quite a real big kind of fire. Just a small one. Let's put it this way... I've entertained the idea of being a writer of sorts and/or an inspirational speaker.

As for the blog, I have shared before, I get to thinking.  How much of my life and my family do I want to put on here?  I'd like to have some privacy.  The blog is public and as far as I'm concerned, that was the idea.  It still is. I don't plan on changing that. But as well, I think, my immediate family is just as much a part of this as I am.  It takes commitment from them with supporting me, being honest with me, holding me accountable.  Heck, some of them have stepped in and bought us food, gym memberships, kitchen table and even being willing to accept that I mention them in my blog, that is open to the public.

During this time though, I've definitely gone through some emotions.  I've noticed changes in my clothes and my ring finger when my wedding ring slides around when I dribble a basketball.  I know that with this journey to a healthier lifestyle and fitness success trek, you don't just sort through body changes, hormones or feelings.  I expect it. Some days it's hard.  Very hard.  I've never been a binge/purge type of eater.  Not even when I was drinking back in the day (...Wednesday, remember?), I never binged/purged. 

It will not happen over night. Inspiration comes from everywhere, if you're willing to look for it.  For me, inspiration comes from my wife and kids.  I enjoy them being with me.  I enjoy making them smile and laugh.  I enjoy a good "chick flick" from time to time.  I enjoy a lot of things.  Soon, the series of ABC's Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition is going to start again this season, end of the month I think.  I'd love to meet that Chris Powell guy.  He is inspiring. A lot like Coach Ryan (whom I have not heard from in a while).  I wonder what's new with him.

Funny thing, I like the other show ABC did; Extreme Makeover (where they rebuilt houses)... I always thought it would be cool to help them folks out.

But, just to share with you guys the random thoughts that I've had that have distracted me from blogging. I also don't want to be blogging to get attention.  I don't know why, but I love making people laugh and smile and say to themself, "What the heck did that guy just say?!!?" So, it's weird to hear myself say that I don't like attention.  But in this case, I just don't know if I know how to deal with attention that is not from me making jokes.  Instead, it's attention from my blog. From me trying to gain knowledge and impliment changes for fitness success.  Attention that is based off of my health.  I've been unhealthy for a long time and it's always just been something I've lived with. 

I'm not profreading this one.  Just going to post it, before I start rambling again. 
Happy Mother's Day to my wife Katie. I'd pick you all over again! You're my princess. I love you dearly. Thank you for my family.

Today's Challenge

Instead of me psyching myself out with thinking how big 40 days is, I'll focus on the day's challenge.  The day's meals.  The day's workouts. The day's strength conditioning.  Maybe even, the first half of the day.  Then another challenge for the second half of the day.

Today's challenge: don't procrastinate doing your morning strength conditioning.

  40 push-ups
  40 squats
+40 sit-ups
__________
DONE

Now to fous on meals, meal times, water, attitude, prep for tonight's strength conditioning and prep for tomorrow's challenge.

I figure, a streak starts with one.  Good or bad, right?  Well, this morning, so far, I've started a good streak by following last night's workout (although I struggled to stay in my heart rate zone), with good choices this morning and following through with the strength conditioning.

Have I told ya'll lately how much I love my wife and kiddos? :D

So c'mon everybody, set your daily challenge and go get it!  If you want change, take action.  If you think you've decided to change, you haven't truly decided unless you take action.

Thank you everyone for your support.  Talk to ya'll soon.

Procrastinators Meeting....Tomorrow

Do any of you know the definition of procrastinate?

pro·cras·ti·nate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-] verb,

pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing. verb (used without object) 1. to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost. verb (used with object) 2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

Plain and simple:  that sums up my activity for the last week.  I've worked out some. Not all of it.  Not the strength conditioning. Excuses? Yeah, sure, I've got 'em and they do no good.

Overwhelmed by the challenge put before me.  I somewhat feel defeated before I even start.  Disappointed that I didn't do things the way I had pictured I'd do them. 

Up and down, up and down,  I'm stoked, then I'm nervous.  I'm thankful, then I'm fearful of nothing changing.  I feel good about changes and things that I notice I've learned, then I am taken over by emotions that I don't want 45 to be the end of my life, I want it to be the middle. The idea was to put it all out on paper (blog) for all to read/see.

So many different emotions and thoughts so far thoughout this journey that sometimes I do not know what to write in the blog, therefore... I don't. But I know that was not part of my agreement with my coach.  That was not my hand-shake.  My hand-shake is worth more to me than that.

A couple of key videos that I've received in the last couple of days have really helped me drive my focus: Taking fear and turning it into gratitude. Then the other is: Stopping Procrastination.

Thank you to everyone for the support.  For my youngest brother throwing us some cash to help out with food.  My friends that helped us secure a dinner table (which has helped so much already!), thanks to my friends and family for putting up the money for us to get a family pass to the rec center.  Thank you to the people closest to me right now, complimenting me on my appearance and my blog.

But this one thing that is sticking with me right now is: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

Wow. The first 90 days is when you see the biggest difference in fat loss, as well, the first year.  I better re-think my plans. This is a great opportunity in front of me, to better myself for the over all being of my family.  This is the example that I am showing my children and wife.

I have not lost all inspiration, but I can tell you that for the last few days I have not been focused and I notice a difference.

Why not do something about it now? Not tomorrow.

40 Day Challenge

The decision has been made on whether or not I will be starting the 28 day challenge over.  I am now presented, as well as 2 days deep into the new 40 day challenge.  It couldn't have come at a better time, either.  I have been lacking motivation.  Period.  I am on track for working out, but I have not been doing my trackers.  My water intake has been sub-par and my strength conditioning has not been continuous.  It's weird, some days, I just do it.  Then on other days, it feels like if I don't do them right away, they get put off until the noon time area of the day.

So I've been feeling down on myself, having pitty parties.  History tells me that them things are usually dull and no action.  Plus, it seems as if you're ever only the lone individual invited.  I've been thinking a lot about my fears as well a lot about my goals.  I am not going to placate myself with excuses.  I know I have to be better.  I know I can be better.

I made it to the gym last night.  Thanks to whoever provided the membership (I'm hearing conflicting stories), but last night would have easily been a night where I could have used the excuse of us not having money for the $3.50 admittance.  But, we have the membership now.  As well, I was lacking motivation yesterday too. What gives?!  Katie would not let me sit around though.  She asked how I was feeling and if I had an idea of where the lack of motivation was stemming from.  Although I didn't answer much, I had an opportunity to.  Then after giving me a minute to state my challenge of feeling motivated, she was like... "OK.  Well that's nice.  Go work out."  She is right.  I'd feel better after.  You know what?  I did.  I even found out a couple things about my workouts too.

Lately, I've been getting bored with the treadmill. I've been getting bored with our foods.  So last night, although it's a fear, I put some time in on the treadmill, but not all my workout. I found other things I wanted to try, like I've seen people doing in the background of Coach's emailed videos.  I picked up some dumbells, I hit a couple of weight lifting machines, back and forth.  My heart rate was all over the place.  But at least I found a couple things that I can do to keep the heart rate in my desired Cowboy Fit Zone.  When I was done with my experiment, I went out to the desk, got a basketball.  Went to the gymnasium.  I didn't care where, but I just shot some hoops for 2-3 minutes, getting a little irritated.  Simply b/c I used to hit these shots. I've lifted and shot immediately after, before in my life, but it never looked this bad. So, I figured that I was not going to get satisfaction there.  So I started dribbling around (mostly lefty).  You know what? I liked it.  I moved around fast enough that I was in the heart rate zone I needed to be in.  Plus, I jogged, not sprinted, one "suicide."  That really got my heart rate up.

The reason this is important, is b/c I feel like getting bored is making me not want to work out.  One of my goals is to enjoy fitness.  I enjoy basketball.  So why not incorporate it into my exercise.  Plus, I don't have my 2 younger brothers around to block all of my shots.  Plus, if nobody is there, I get to exaggerate how many shots actually went in!!!  There's a plus.  Anyhow, I'd like to bring it all together for ya'll.

The 40 day challenge:
Work out in the Cowboy Fit Zone as follows...
1 min at the tippy top of the heart rate zone, then crash it
1 min at the bottom of your zone.
Follow the next 10 minutes in the middle.
Then repeat.  You do that 4x folks, then you've got yourself a 48 minute workout.

As well, in the a.m., and then again in the p.m. before bedtime:
40 push ups
40 squats
40 sit ups/crunches

So, I've been working out, but this is the part I've been struggling with.  I must conquer this.

I did get some inspiration tonight watching the Coach's video. This gal had changed NOTHING in her diet.  She did the 28 day challenge and lost almost 15 inches!  4 inches in her belly area alone.  So, the coach followed her around during her workout, giving examples of her monitoring her heart rate.  There were times where if I were her, nor if I didn't have my heart rate monitor watch on, you could tell she could've easily kept going, with her energy.  But importantly, she wanted to stay in her zone.  So she'd lay on the ground, to crash her heart rate.  Once in her zone, she'd get back up and start moving again.  Anyone can do this system.

For me, it's just keeping it all together and not choosing the areas only I want.  It's everything.  The eating, the breathing, the water, the journals and logs and strength conditioning.  Everything.  Tomorrow is workout day and I'm looking forward to the challenge of not letting myself down.  I know I'm better then where I was on March 8th, 2013.  I know I'm not where I want to be.  But I do know that this is part of the journey.

BLESSED

Thank you to everyone for reading and keeping up with this blog.  It has been something completely new to me.  This is probably the toughest blog for me to post thus far.  The other day we were fortunate enough that a couple of friends donated some of their hard earned money for us to buy a used table out of the online classifieds. The hunt is on.

However, this weekend, a buddy of mine come down from Montana to visit, as his fiance had some stuff to run around for. They attended one of her friend's weddings, then she either had a baby shower, or a bridal shower to attend, in which freed him up to hang out with us and another buddy of mine that lives north of us about 30 miles.  Since we'd recently decided to get a newer rig, he wanted to check it out and find something to bust my chops over. He gets in, lifts up the center console, checks other things out.  Then we parted ways, him going to meet up with her.  Katie and I heading home with the kiddos in tow.

I can see him. Driving in front of me.  He then calls me on the cell, "What's in your center console?"

Immediately, I have Katie check in there!!!  I ask her to look for something that he would've taken. Wallet. Garage door opener.  Knife.  Utility tool.  Something that he'd think was hilarious for him to have, that I needed.  A prank.  You know?  Finally, he gives in and says, "I didn't take anything, jerk.  Look for something different that wasn't in there to begin with.  Perhaps 2 plastic cards?"

Bingo!  Katie pulls up 2 plastic cards with barcodes on them that you attach to your key ring. One reads "Katie" the other reads "Nick" and on the front they read "SL County Parks & Rec" which means that they were 2 memberships to the rec center we've been scrounging up pocket change for me to go to.  Yeah baby!!!!

Katie has been doing videos and we agreed to only spend money on me going to the gym.  I felt selfish doing it, leaving the kids with Katie.  I always wanted her to go, as well.  But we've just not been able to get a string of weeks together where we can save money. Always playing catch up.  I'm sure we're not the only ones that has been in this type of situation.

But geez!  Are you kidding me?  Turns out, both of my brothers were in on it.  My sister in law has been asking both Katie and me questions about the rec center, so I know she is in on it.  I asked my buddy if he knew who was in on it, he said that my brother & his wife were the ones tha set it all up.  I texted my brother and asked who all was involved.  His response? "Not sure exactly."  In the words of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, "rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhtt."

But still, regardless of who was in on it, or who paid more, or who didn't pay. Even if you're just along for the ride, reading the blogs (3700 views?!)... Please accept my humble gratitude. It is very kind and generous of all of all ya'll.

So, now I must decide to do the 28 day challenge over, or begin the new one that Coach emailed me, called the 8 week challenge.  What to do?

If nothing else, I am giving it my effort, right?  Now, we can hopefully save our pocket change for the kids' piggy bank. :)  Hoping to learn some new things, besideds the treadmill, for staying in my Cowboy Fit Zone.

3 Days Left of First Challenge

Well, my sister-in-law (Katie's sister) is going to Ireland for 10 days.  Tonight, we were invited to dinner, for a little fair-well kind of thing.  It was really fun.  My brother-in-law works long hours and a lot of them, as a nurse, so for them to have time out for a dinner.. for us to get the invite, we took them up on the offer.  For me, it was more of a challenge.  Turned out great!

Typically, in the past, I felt like I had to get my money's-worth.  We'd hit a buffet or something along those lines.  If not a buffet, we'd hit someplace where we sat down since I am not too keen on the fast food scene. $70 would fly out the window in a hurry and usually I'd have my dinner and half of Katie's since she gets full so quickly.  But not tonight.  I was cautious that it was regular pasta, so I watched my portions.  No bread-sticks for me since it was a late dinner, thanks to the wait.  Of course, diet soda (over a month of no regular soda now).  Plus, we did a deal where you buy one and get an extra to take home.  Well, I have to tell you, on our way home, I had a big smile.  I actually asked my wife if she was proud of me.  I asked if she noticed how much dinner I had left on my plate still.  We did it!  We went to an establishment where I would've normally gorged myself.  Leaving no room for dessert, as they always ask.  We went, I ate, not as healthy as I'd like, but based on where I was, to where I am, I'll take it!  I'll take it over and over.  We're doing it with every day food.  I'm not strictly eating fish and certain veggies, or certain proteins over others.  I use what we have.  I watch the calories and what time of day I'm putting carbs into my body as well as my sugar intake.

It is so weird because I feel like I'm constantly eating. It almost makes me laugh.  But tonight, it could have been that I was in conversation with family, this and that, involved with the kiddos too, cracking jokes, etc... But I didn't feel like I was depriving myself.  I honestly felt like I had enough to eat.  I felt comfortable with the amount I ate, even the fact that I know there was sugar in there.  I was able to roughly calculate everything that I ate in the day to estimate that I could take a little more sugar.  Now, doing this once a week is not my plan.  I certainly do not want the first option for any celebrating, to do with food.  But you know what?  Sometimes you're invited places.  Sometimes you're going to celebrate or go to a fair-well.  It's part of life.  But you can't let it take over your life.  Otherwise, as my newest friend stated it, you're going to create your own nightmare.

So, in my title of this blog: 3 Days.  This marks the end of when I said I was starting my 28 day challenge.  In 3 days, starting tomorrow and ending on Monday, I will be done with that challenge.  I will not be done with my transformation. By a long shot.  I will take my measurements and post them.  They will be what they are.

I'm not going to beat myself up, but I know that I could do better.  As I stated a couple of days ago.  I'm challenging myself again to do another 28 days!  I love it.  I feel good about that decision.  I do feel like I could do better.  Tomorrow is work out day.  I will do as many push ups, squats and crunches as I can in the a.m. as well at the p.m.  If I get to 30 each time, then so be it.  If I push until muscle fatigue, but fall short of 30, it does not matter.  I know I am getting stronger.  I feel a little nervous about the workout though.  I've got a little nagging in my left side of my back.  I feel like I'm over-compensating for the little stumble I took on the ancient dinosaur treadmill at work yesterday. No rubber burns from the belt, but a little bit of a hyper-extended knee.  You may think, no big deal.  But if you weigh 180 lbs, I'd welcome you, any day, to put on a back pack of another 280 lbs to get you up to 460 lbs and then try and hyper-extend your knee.

But, we'll go out and be active and put in the effort.  We'll take action.  I understand there are some things that my weight and size are going to limit me on, since I'm still re-introducing my body to working out.  But when it comes to some things, I'm a littler perfectionist.  I like to make a certain number of free-throws.  I like a little bit of routine to working out.  There are some things I just like in order.  I know there are a bunch of things in life that don't happen the way you want them.  Heck, we all learn that lesson (hopefully), that it's not always how you want it.  I don't like the nagging in my back, nor the sore knee.  But it's there and I gotta deal with it.  I just can't sit her and do nothing though.  I've done that before.  Honestly, I've done it for a couple days during this 28 day challenge.  But I can't let history repeat itself.  I know I can do better.  I can't change them 2-3 days.  But I have tomorrow.  As well, I'll take our awesome dinner out with family and a challenge conquered as another stone to add to the foundation.

I do have to give a big BIG shout out and a couple words of gratitude to some old friends.  A couple of ladies from my early 20's reached out to me and said they'd like to give a gift, as a show of support along the journey.  They mailed me and my family a money order to go "shopping" online for a dinner table.  Yay!  If you ask me, online classifieds have a WAY bigger selection than any home furnishing store.  Plus I'd like a table with some character.  So, THANK YOU VERY MUCH Ang (Angela) and Danny (Danielle).  I am blessed because of your big hearts.  I hope to find the perfect table.  I know that Katie and I are wanting this journey to change a few things to benefit our children.  Eating at a dinner table, building structure and relationships with our kiddos is something we are both passionate about.  So, I will send the both of you pics when we get one.  We are in no position to turn down an offer like this.  Plus, since we've last seen each other, I've been humbled a couple of time.  We really do appreciate your kindness.  We could all learn something from your un-selfishness.

Good night everyone! 3 more days!!!!!

To Get or Not to Get a Membership?

Holy cow!  3,350 views!  That is pretty incredible.  I wonder how many of them are new viewers?  Sometimes I feel like I couldn't possibly be that interesting!  But, somehow, all them views added up in a hurry.  Could it be that when I complete my blog I hurry and log into my Facebook and tell everyone to go read it? :)  Maybe people are sharing it?  Possibly they are finding my blog on my profile of Coach's website for the Lose 12 Inches with any 12 workouts.  I suppose it could be about anything.  I like to get on here and track where the views come from.  Germany, Philippines, all over.  It's cool.  Thank you everyone!!!  Keep on reading or sharing or whatever the reason is that you keep coming back for more.

So, yesterday was the day for working out.  I've basically just used walking outside, or a treadmill, recently.  When I'm in a bind, I'll stay home and use a video.  Watching the emails that Coach sends me, he is usually in his gym and I see people in the background doing all sorts of stuff.  They are just doing whatever they can to stay in their target heart rate zone. The Cowboy Fit Zone. Lifting dumbbells rapidly, jumping jacks, lifting other weights, etc... I'd like to get to that point.  But right now, I don't know if trust is the correct word, I just feel like I more consistent with my Cowboy Fit Zone if I'm walking or on a treadmill.  Back to yesterday.  We got home at a decent hour.  I was not really motivated to working out.  I figured that I had the rest of the week to workout 3x.  As long as I got in 3 workouts by Sunday, I was good.  Even if I worked out every-other day from Tuesday-Sunday, it would be ok.

But again, Katie was like, "No.  I'll stay with the kids and you go workout."  My fear was that if I used the debit card to pay the $3.50 for the daily use fee at the closest recreation center, it would be possible to over-draw in our checking account. So, we pulled out her purse and cleaned the change out of the car.  Scrounged up $3.50 in quarters, dimes and nickels and I drove over dressed to kill it.  I did.  I got a full warm up in (if you don't know, minimum would be 5 min and a max of 12 min, below your target heart rate).  Get your blood flowing, loosen up your muscles.  Then I worked out by walking on the treadmill, picking and Interval program.  Up and down, up and down.  I usually walk 3.0 incline and 3.0 speed.  I wanted to maximize the time.  I pushed myself a little harder to work up a sweat, and try to control the amount of time in my Cowboy Fit Zone.  I immediately started at 3.5 incline and 3.1 speed.  Then after 10 min I pushed it to 4.0 incline.  10 more minutes, I pushed it to 4.5.  I kept it there for 20 minutes, then pushed to 5.0 for the last 5 minutes.  I was sweating good.  Stepping outside into the cooler air felt so good.  I felt accomplished.  For the first time in a long time, I felt proud that I pushed myself.

But I will tell you what I told Coach.  I feel like this last 28 days has been a whirlwind, between trying to figure out exercises, workouts, water, food, etc... As you all know from one or two of my previous posts, we've had some distractions.  We've had to work out when we can.  Some times that means working out last minute.  Some days, the emails I got from the coach would not pull up.  But, I feel like it would be beneficial to have a pass to the rec center for Katie and I.  I feel like we could either go before work, or after work.  Do it together.  That way it's not leaving either one of us to be the parent.  We can be the parent, because I feel like we're a good mom and dad together or alone with the kiddos.  But, still, working out together, that would be something new for us.  I think it would make it easier to enjoy.  Heck, I'll show off for my baby any day.  It would probably make me work harder!  Although, I can tell Coach just rolled his eyes and is saying in his head (or out loud, knowing his energy), "Work out smarter.  Not harder Nick!" :)

I am pleased with my effort during this challenge.  I will post ending measurements soon.  But they will not be "ending" measurements as much as they will be beginning measurements for the challenge that I'm putting on myself to do the 28 day challenge the way that I want. I'll follow the emails and homework, possibly buy some of the foods Coach has suggested.  Start integrating them into preperation.  But, like I stated, I feel I've retained more and more over the days.  I've learned a couple things. I'd like to apply them now.  I want to give it a very serious go.  I'd like to have just a month (28 days) to do it the way it's designed.  I want to say, "I DID IT!"  My family and I have accomplished so much already.  Maybe I'm seeking satisfaction in the wrong area.  I've already lost inches, which I think it awesome.  But I just feel like I can do more.

So everybody say it with me: WOOHOO!! That's what I'm talking about!

"Nothing worth having was ever acheived without effort" -I don't rembmer who that is from.
But it's true.  For everyone.

I remember reading an excerpt from one of the books about Michael Jordan and his journey to multiple championships.  It was him talking about a chat he had with Phil Jackson about what MJ wanted to acheive.  He was still younger.  Not deep into his career.  But not a rookie, either.  His desire?  He wanted to be great.  He wanted to be a lengend.  I can't quote exactly what I read, but it can be compared to this:  "I expected to be great because I was already great.  But the level I wanted, I wasn't there yet.  I expected it for so long because we'd already had such great successes. But when I talked to Phil, I realized that I wasn't where I wanted to be, simply because I was taking short-cuts. Less time in the weight room.  Less effort during sprints.  Etc... If I want to achieve and be part of that next level, I know that short-cuts will not get me where I want to be."  Again, don't quote me. But this has been in my brain, shuffled around, for the last 15+ years.  But I remember reading it.

We all know that we can't judge an athlete's greatness as to what kind of person they are.  They could be not loyal to their spouses, alcoholics, sex addicts, aquitted rapists, etc... The list goes on.  We don't know what they battle in their lives.  But as someone who is trying to change things in my life, regarding healthy food choices and exercise, I find this awesome.  Matter of fact, the quote that I've opened up with, is stenciled on the wall of the fitness room, here at work.  You know the place.  I've spoken of it before.  The one with the dinosaur of a treadmill?  Yeah, no place to hold your water, or your mp3/phone/electronic device.  Also, the one that acts like a vehicle with a cruise"sometimes"control.  Speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down. 

Just heard from one of my younger brothers that still lives in Montucky, that he has spent some time with our aunt and uncle.  They stepped in quite a bit, along with some others on my mother's side of the family, one both of our parents were deceased.  But, both of them are obese. He says they look great!  That is huge.  A lot of people in my family are stubborn.  :)  If you will... a family trend. Not always a good thing. But it is what it is.  We all love each other, and I love my aunt and uncle. 

Turns out they went and saw a specialist about thier weight.  As a married couple.  Believe me, I know how stress effects your eating, skipping meals, not caring, not thinking, etc... Money effects all of that as well.  Heck, I know that my siblings and I probalby caused a bunch of that stress and things were not all honky-dory all of the time.  But the fact that they went in, seeked answers/help and realized they wanted different, that is awesome!  Checked out their body fat percentage.  Sounds like they set goals as well.  My brother says he noticed a difference in them.  I'll take it.  I hope they are feeling better.  I hope they are proud of themselves.  I'm proud of them.

So, put it all together, if you want change, take action. It doesn't matter who you are.  Whether you're Michael Jordan, Ryan Cowboy Ehmann the Coach, Nick, or an average couple from Montana, go get what you want.

Also this week, after a long week of cravings, hard workouts, doubt and health issues, I'm looking forward to change this next week.  A big week at that.  A minor surgery for our 10 month old little girl, which required us to move some things around on our schedule for work, as well, put into perspective what we're going to do about supporting each other to keep doing the strength conditioning daily and workouts at least 3x per week.  Plan ahead for food.  A big week!  Prepared some chicken to be able to take and go.

But I have to say it is stressful for groceries right now.  It feels like we're buying the same stuff over and over.  Plus, we're scraping the bottom of the barrell for our food.  Using stuff that we've had for a few months, which is good.  But I'm excited to get to a point to try some of the foods that Coach emailed me.  I'd love to see how 30 days would go, doing this.  But I'll take what I can get.  If I can see a differnce in foods that we eat every day... that is a phenominal improvement, for anyone.  Sugar is a huge thing.  It'll sneak up on you.  So, I can tell all of you that I have not had a regular soda since the beginning of this journey.  I can tell you that I have not skipped a meal since the beginning of this journey, but I have skipped a snack or two.  I can tell you that I've done my strength conditioning nearly every day, since I did not understand in the beginning. 

My wife also said something very important to me last night.  I had a treat.  I am not even a sweets guy. I am a sweet guy, yes, but not a sweets guy.  Cookies, sugary sweets, etc... not my bag.  I have stuff I like, but would prefer savory.  But, realizing that you should not rewards yourself wholely, with food.  How many people do that?  If you decide to have a snack, or something sweet, keep portions in mind.  You may like Doritos, for instance.  Yeah, have a few to curb your cravings and keep them few and far between.  Now, having a whole back once every couple of weeks, thinking, "It's not every other day, so every 2 weeks must be acceptable...", probably not a good idea.

This is just for me to put it out there, as if I'm talking to myself.  But, welcome to my mindset right now.  Sometimes I feel like it's a web browser wtih 46 tabs open. 

Great Job to my aunt and uncle!  Here's to moving forward onto a new week.  Piecing it all together.

Hard Day

I'm not looking for sympathy.  I am just putting this out there because I said from the beginning of my blog, I'd share my struggles and successes.  Today was a struggle.  I'm over it now, but it has to be said.

I know for a fact that I did not get my calories.  I can recall what I ate, it was all planned.  But for some reason today, I felt like I wanted to go eat.  A lot.  It didn't matter where.  I just wanted to eat.  I didn't go eat, upon this urge.  But the entire day and on into the time we got home, I had felt like I was starving.  So I used some sugar free gum and drank some purple.

But, when I think about it. It makes me think back in day, I'd go eat whenever, wherever I wanted.  A couple of places came to mind today.  I would have probably eaten enough for a few people and exceeded my calories.  But, it helped me (easier to process, now that I feel like I've over it today), it helped me to realize that them bad choices, among others, are what created the situation I'm in now.  Having to work (I don't mind hard work), to try and learn as much as I can and maximize this time that I have with Coach.

I do not like that it disrupted my usual demeanor though.  My wife noticed it.  I don't like that it had that affect on me at all.  I was still a dad.  I helped get the kiddos ready for bed.  Late day again from work, so there was little time to spend with them.  But we decided that we weren't going to do laundry, or watch TV, or social media, or games.  We decided we were going to talk about it.  Check in with each other.  Process.

Today was hard.  But it is nice to look back at how hungry I was all day long and I didn't skip any meals nor did I binge, nor did I spend money on impulsive decisions.  Although it was very tough and I realize that I have a long way to go with nutrition and knowing what snacks I can have during the night and still stay on track, I am very satisfied.

Again, my wife, my rock!!!  I want this change for us, no me.

Short and sweet tonight.  Off to do some strength conditioning, girly push-up style. Good night ya'll.

Heart Rating

Why the title?  I'll tell you.  Tonight, after watching my wife say she was only going to do 2 miles, then busted out 3 because she wanted to complete her goal (tough act to follow!), it was then my turn to work out in the Cowboy Fit Zone.  My zone for maximum fat burning right now is 142bpm-163bpm.  I usually stay around 145-155 on a treadmill.

I'm not sure if it was the heart rate monitor strap sliding around or if my heart didn't feel the need to beat any faster, but I couldn't seem to get up into the zone.  I started out with the Biggest Loser DVD that I did a week or so ago, then I switched to a Walk Away The Pounds, then I switched to our little stairway.  I used one step to go up and down.  Then I came in and started some push ups.  Nothing that I listed above got me to my Cowboy Fit Zone!  So I counted all of this as a warm up and headed outside.  I walked as fast as I could and even broke into a "kind-of" jog for about a half of a block.  When I reached what I thought would have been a half-way point, I headed back.  Again, for good measure, took about a half of a block to do a little jog.  I walked in, with a bitter-sweet feeling.  Accomplished, but disappointing. Did I reach my HR goal?  I honestly have not a clue.  I didn't figure out how to get the back light on my watch to work.  The whole time I was working, I heard the beep that signals when I am above or below my target HR.  So I imagine that I was above and below all throughout the walk.  I know that I was sweating pretty good, plus it was a little chilly, which felt good.

I am contemplating going in to work early tomorrow to use the ancient treadmill there so I can be certain that I am working out in the target HR zone.  But, my goal right now is that if I cannot get in every-other-day workouts, then at least I get in 3 workouts a week.  I am on track.  But, am I being too hard on myself?

I have blogged before about being disappointed.  Really, I am not a hard guy to satisfy.  I have mellowed out quite a bit since being married.  That is probably a good thing.  But when you're struggling with money.  Feels like you owe money here and there. Don't know how you're going to get your car repaired.  Trying to show upper management at work that you're worth something.  Health issues at home with the kiddos.  Not being able to go buy a certain food you want to eat better.  All of that stuff adds up.

Both of my brothers told me about being hard on myself as well as being resilient.  I am just venting, but it would be nice to have a dinner table to eat dinner with my family, instead of on the couch.  It would be nice to have some healthy food supply.  All we wanted to do tonight was be able to get in a good workout.  I like walking outside as much as the next guy.  Heck, I prefer being outside.  Them videos are helpful, but I can only stand so much pain in my hips.  Maybe I was meant to go outside?

But I did it.  I may be disappointed about a few things, but I am definitely comfortable saying that I used to just figure "I'll do it tomorrow" since it didn't work out the way I wanted it to.  It may not have been in my zone that I like, but I'll take getting out and moving around, over procrastination.  Eventually, enough procrastinating will take 1 week and turn it into 3 years.  Or even more!

So, I am a little concerned about my HR monitor.  We'll have to see how it works the next workout.  But I reckon I can tell ya'll a little something that actually made my week.

I posted about the total inches lost so far... well, this workout tonight and on Monday, I had to tighten my chest strap and go in an extra notch on my belt.  Eh?  That is some good stuff!

My wife even told me, when we were getting into a cuddly spot, that my chest was too hard. Ha ha.  That is a good thing.  Hopefully that means my "chesticles" are getting bigger the right way??? :)  So, back to the Heart Rating title.  If you want it bad enough your heart, you'll find ways to make things work.

What is YOUR Heart Rating?

Game of Adjustments

Well, tonight, I got a few different things to share with ya'll.  I have been running on little energy.  I've felt defeated/deflated.  It's been a tough week or so.  We were still able to make time for my workouts.  We were still able to celebrate my wife's birthday weekend.  Our son does not have any mushy spots on his skull from his 2 concussions.  Although we go in to the doc tomorrow for a surgical consult for tubes in our little girl's ears, she is surprisingly happy!  I love that smile.  So you could say we've had a rough and tough week.  Or you could not say that.  But as I watch Michigan fail to make adjustments, I thought to myself, "how do they expect to win if they are only playing not to lose?"

What do I mean?  Well, as I have said before, I love hoops.  Well, other than bad attitudes and chest slapping, I enjoy a good hard fought war, by respectful athletes/ball players.  When I refer to the adjustments, I thought that the coach should have called a time out here or there to assist in slowing down the momentum that Louisville was building up.  I thought they could've used a couple of adjustments, to improve their chances of success.  In my game.  In my journey, I have a coach.  I have a mentor. I have a strong tribe in my corner.  But the overall game plan and adjustments are crucial in me staying focused on my goals.  Crucial to me decreasing my body fat percentage.  Crucial in my continuing learning and knowledge of nutrition.  Crucial to my preparing for physical activity as an athlete.

Today was the perfect example.  I was not so hot on the water intake.  I didn't hit my goal for calorie intake, nor am I on a strict diet.  I try to eat a bigger breakfast.  But I do not want to take food away from my family.  I know that not missing meals is crucial at this point in what I'm trying to do here.  We are broke.  We will likely be overdrawn when we get paid this week.  Matter of fact, when we get paid, I will not have a 80 hour check, so we will be short anyhow.  right about now, I'm feeling like we are spending too much money on food.  Not dining out, but just food in general.  It seems that when you're broke, everything sounds good.  You drive by here, you hear someone say that... it all sounds wonderful!  But, when I'm sitting there, I feel selfish about me trying to eat this stuff for good calories, but I wonder what we're going to do the next shopping trip.  What can we afford. It feels like you mush choose 2 out of 3: time, health, money, when you're planning your menu for the week.

I bring this up because, whether it's about fitness success, your job/career, money, building a strong relationship (with family, siblings or your children), you have to make adjustments.  If you do the same thing over and over, but expect different results... you're going to drive yourself crazy.  You'll end up drowning.  Stay afloat.  Make the adjustments that will help you achieve success. For right now, we just keep getting the things we can afford and getting the things that we need.  Everything else is extra.  Fixing the car, payments, past due, etc...

This week, we set new goals and focus on the first ones as well.  I can't change that I didn't get a full 80 last period.  I can change what I get this period.  I can't change the calories I didn't get today.  Money pending, I can change the calories I get tomorrow, or this week.  You do what you can and you keep on keepin on.  Right?

Anyhow, I need a drum roll.  So tonight Katie says, "I want to measure you!"
It has been 9 days since my last measurement.  Last time I lost 13 inches, all in my chest and shoulders.
Tonight, in other areas (hips, belly, abs upper and lower, upper thigh, upper arm and neck).

I lost another 8.5 inches.
So that means since I've started this, I've lost about 22 inches!

That is with a fudged diet that is not set, just trying to learn how to read labels and calorie intake.

In the past week, I've needed a win.  It's been tough.  Tonight on my Facebook, my wife and my niece both laid it out and thanked me for teaching them lessons and being inspiration!  This weekend, both of my younger brothers flat out told me how awesome they think I am (finally we agree on something!)

Holy cow.  They must have been feeling the spirit in them to come out ans say something, but to those 4 people, thank you very much.  You've helped keep my fire burning.  I am especially proud of my wife tonight.  Dropped right down on the floor and cranked out 10 push ups, 10 crunches and 25 squats, then walked 3 miles with a video.  We didn't even plan it.  It just happened.  And she says I'm her inspiration???

I love you Katie.  I love that you are such a loving mother and wife.  Thank you for showing me why I want to make this lifestyle change, through the struggles and success.

Patience Grasshopper

Geez.  This week has been something else.  I did not do my food journal at all.  Some days, I nailed my water down, others, not so much.  I could write out a list of everything that slowed me down and had me thinking the old ways were coming back, but that wouldn't help.  My little boy did get 2 concussions in less than 48 hours though.  That was scary.  A couple of hard falls on the forehead and the back of his head where it meets up with the neck. But we're all go now.  Poor kid.

My little girl is starting to crawl all over!  She is wicked fast too.  It's cute because she is so petite.  Quick hands on that little bugger too.

All of this stuff this week, going on, really, really, really made it hard to make time for workouts, eating, working, everyday life.  I feel like we should be in a well oiled routine.  But I forget, it's only been a few weeks.  We'll get there.  We just have to keep communication open.

Along with the doubts of my scheduling, cooking, prepping, etc... I've been physically sore.  Coach has even told me, "Man, I can not even begin to imagine how it's going to feel, starting your journey at 460 lbs!!!"  He knows that maybe I cannot do everything (right now) that he is assigning for homework. I've done damn good at modifying the push ups and crunches. I pump out the squats in 3 set of 10.  But sometimes, I don't get to them until 11 in the morning, then I start to consider dumping them at night.  It is frustrating me.  Katie has been on my rear-end though, noticing if I am slumping off.  Whip-cracker, that gal is. But, it's needed on some nights, I'm not going to lie about it.

So, all in all tho, with everything going on, this week is wrapping up.  The homework is to work out 3x a week.  I've been working out every-other-day. So that means that some weeks I get in 4 workouts.  I'm happy about that.  I did take one day off from the strength conditioning due to a massive chafing.  We went and bought some compression shorts and I was working out the next day.  That burned!!!!  But, I'm healed up.

Tonight while trying to do a modified version of the crunches, I was laying on the floor, on my back.  I had Katie stand on my hands, above my head.  I was then going to crank out some straight leg lifts.  Did pretty good for the first 6 or 7.  Then my back started playing around on me.  Not sure what it is, but I was determined to get the rest of the crunches done.  So I hopped my butt onto our little safe and did some make-shift Cowboy Crunches to finish them off.

Katie and I talked about how I was feeling.  We talked about my approach to my daily routines of strength conditioning.  I told her that I don't feel like there is anything that Coach has assigned that I cannot do.  If I cannot do it, I modify it and push through it.  She saw it differently, telling me that if I'm giving 100%, then if I only get 28 our of 35 push ups, keep trying until my muscles fail, that is strength conditioning in itself.  I don't have to be hard on myself if I am not getting the numbers.  The only number that is more important than completion is the Cowboy Effort!  If I can say that I could have done better, then I have not done enough.  If I can look back and say I gave it my all, that is the Cowboy Way.

So, I am starting this motivation tracker this week.  I track my motivation in the following areas: Focus on Goals, Food, Water, HR, Positive Attitude. At the end of the day I add up my scores and give myself a grade, based on the results of the sum.  At the end of the week, same thing.  So if I see myself in the "OK" category, then I know I need to step it up!  So this will be interesting.

I did tell you that I would put some stuff in here about the conference call we had on Friday night.  It went great!  It was fun.  There were about 30 people on all listening to him and then we'd answer questions that he asked.  It was more of a thing where if we had questions about something we didn't think we were doing correctly, or if we'd never worked out before, or never used a HR watch/monitor before, then he was there for guidance.  We were all able to hear it right from his mouth, rather than watch a homework video.  He asked us all for feedback on his website.  How would we like to see it laid out, etc...?  There were a couple of things that I realized I took for granted.  Some of the questions that were asked, cleared some things up for me.  I've lifted weight regularly.  I believe that I know a good healthy, safe way to lift weights.  It can be dangerous.  I've been on the ball court, I've hiked around the mountains in Montana.  I've swam in lakes and rivers.  I rode lots of bikes and played baseball and football.  So, I know my balance.  Right off of the starting line of the journey, this is all stuff that I can incorporate into my workouts for my HR and rebuilding strength.

Before the conference call, I thought I'd be stuck doing just a strong HR cardio workout on the treadmill.  Turns out, as long as I'm moving doing squats, arm circles, jumping jacks, jumping in place, jump rope, swimming, shooting hoops, lifting weights or on an exercise bike, it does not matter what i'm doing, as long as I'm in my Cowboy Fit zone.  Granted, lifting weights is a great way to get your muscles built up and toned too.  Cardio is great for your heart! But, for blasting fat, the Cowboy Fit Zone is where you want to be.  Every minute I'm in there, it's better than sitting my butt on the couch.

I love my wife and my children.  I love my siblings.  I love my cousins. I love my aunts and uncles.  I love my friends.  Thank you all for the support.  Plus, I was needing some inspiration for tonight's blog.  When I logged in, turns out my other bro figured out how to leave a comment on here!  Maybe he is not such a hill-billy after all? :p

Focus.  We'll get there.  This is for us.  Not just for me.  Thank God my boy is ok.  Thank God for my beautiful wife.  Thank God for my little daughter's progressing health and beautiful smiles.  What a great week of trials and success.  I'm sure we'll need to remember this week as the other times come.  Attitude is a little thing that can make a BIG difference.

Birthday for my Wife

I just wanted to let everyone that was expecting a blog tonight, I'm sorry.  I do have some things I'd like to share about the conference call with the Coach, last night.  But for tonight...

Happy Birthday to my wife, Katie!!!!

So, I'm going to spend some with my family.  I'll be on tomorrow for sure.  Thank you all for viewing and sharing this.  If you are inspired, I am truly honored that you are following my story.  I can tell you that this has been a tough stretch of 3 days.  Everything has been tough.  Although I did get full time in my Cowboy Fit Zone yesterday, and I workout again tomorrow.  But, the difference is, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's workout!!!!!  So, one of my goals is that I enjoy fitness and nutrition.  The fact that I'm looking forward to it, well now.... I'll take that feeling good, well, um... ANY DAY!

Good night ya'll.

Conference Call with the Coach

Right now!  Kinda nervous.  But excited.  I'll follow up with ya'll.

Got Push-ups?

Well, as I sit here, sore, reflecting on how this 25 day challenge has made me realize just how out of shape I am, from where I used to be, I am forever grateful for my wife!  Today could have been an ugly day.  Trying to get all of this stuff lined up and make it part of our everyday life.  We needed to slow down today and put things in perspective.  It's not going to happen over night. We needed to hear how the other one is taking it in.  What they see. It is just as much mental as it is a commitment to going on the walks. Working out. Morning push-ups, squats and cowboy crunches, then the night push-ups, squats and cowboy crunches.  Shoot, today, I did my morning strength rebuilding in a room at my work.  It's located by a couple of offices that are used for guests that come to visit for a week from another site, or other things.  This room in particular is used as a ping pong room and an office chair graveyard.  But, sore I am.  But the soreness does not even measure the appreciation I have for my wife.  It is a lot to take on and ad to what seems like an already busy life between kids, daycare, work, doctors, etc...  But communication is key, to one self as well, to your spouse.

So, back to how things are going since I mentioned that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed.  Well, tonight, right before my 35+35+35 nightly strengths, Katie and I listened to the Shark Tank podcast.  It is available to listen to.  But I was just wanting to find out what Coach Cowboy was up to.  I get emails from him.  He shoots me inspirational messages and asks if I have questions.  Tomorrow I have a conference call with other clients that get to drill him with questions.  But tonight I was truly astonished.  Heck, I teared up some.  Katie always likes to see her man shed a couple drops.

In the podcast/interview, he is about 20 minutes in, talking about his path and his passion and why he wants to do what he does.  He flat out says that nobody ever really gets what he is about. They all think he is out there to make money.  At first, 20 years ago, maybe.  He got his college paid for by an invention that he sold.  Didn't strike it rich, but did fine.  Free education is always good.  But now, this is different.  I didn't realize that he really is invested in me.  He is wanting to help change my lifestyle.

BOOM!  The bomb drops.  He says, "I'd like to talk about my passion real quick.  I got a guy from Utah who reached out to me the night my episode of Shark Tank aired....."   What?!  Katie knew it right away.  She was giddy.  "He's going to talk about you!!!!"  No way.  I didn't believe what I'd just heard.  Coach goes on.  He says, "He told me about his back and hurting.  He told me that he'd reached out to some of the celebrity trainers and exercise gurus.  They didn't even give him a "no."  They just flat out never replied to his messages.  So he told me, "If you're not interested in pointing me in the right direction, with me being willing to give you my success story to help sell your DVDs, then please, at least reply to let me know that you've read my message."  He then went on in the interview to discuss about how this is motivation and inspiration that people all across America need.  If you're trying to shed 40 pounds and think "Oh I can't do it!!", well then explain to me how this guy "Nick" from Utah is swallowing his pride and asking for some help at a critical point in his life, being Type II Diabetic, 460 lbs and agreeing with a word of mouth that he's going to Cowboy Up and follow my lead...."

I just wanted to share with ya'll that I am sold on the passion alone.  I have dropped 13.5 inches.  I am going in to be weighed on this Thursday, which I'll post the result in a blog.  Frankly, tonight, I don't care what I weigh.  I know that I am learning.  I know it b/'c I am talking about it with other people.  I feel something different this time around.  The yo-yo dieting and starvation does not work.  Really, I've tried.  It sucks.  And you know what really sucks? Living the rest of your High School days, and going to your brothers' football and basketball games without your dad.  Or your mom.  You constantly wonder if what you're trying to do is enough for them.  Well, I know that I don't want to live like this.  I don't want to sit here, knowing that anything can happen to anyone.

You are all probably thinking, "Well, geez, Nick is right.  All of our days are limited.  Everyone's."  But that is not what I'm talking about.  Yes it sucks losing your parents.  My wife never met either one of them.  My kids never met them.  But when I say anything can happen to anyone... I am talking about me being a simple guy from Montana.  I may not be the most shy or the most outgoing.  Some of you might cringe when you hear that I weigh 460 lbs.  I don't even like hearing the number.  But I can tell you this.  I'm sore today and I'll be sore tomorrow.  It's a good reminder that I am still alive, doing something about it. Striving to make better choices.

If you would like, here is the web address to the podcast from the Shark Tank.  My blog address will be showing up there in the "notes" section soon from what it sounds like: http://www.sharktankpodcast.net/stpi-006-ryan-the-cowboy-ehmann-thats-what-im-talking-about/